Step 100 - Today I am a beginning student of Knowledge. Entry for Step 99 - I will not blame the world today.
Greetings All –
YOU ARE A BEGINNING STUDENT OF KNOWLEDGE. Accept this starting place. Do not claim more for yourself, for you do not understand the road to Knowledge. On the road to greater assumptions you may have garnered great rewards for yourself, but that leads in another direction from the road to Knowledge, where all things that are unreal are relinquished and all things that are genuine are embraced. The road to Knowledge is not a road that people have imagined for themselves, for it is not born of imagination.
THEREFORE, BE A BEGINNING STUDENT OF KNOWLEDGE. Upon the hour repeat this statement and give it serious consideration. Regardless of your view of yourself, whether it is exalted or diminished, no matter what you have done before, no matter what you consider your accomplishments to be, you are a beginning student of Knowledge. As a beginning student you will want to learn everything that can be learned, and you will not have the burden of defending that which you think you have claimed already. This will ease your burden in life considerably and give you the possibility for true motivation and enthusiasm, which are lacking now.
BE A BEGINNING STUDENT OF KNOWLEDGE. Begin your two longer practice periods with this affirmation and allow yourself to sit in stillness and to receive. Without petitions, without questions and without expectations or demands, allow your mind to be quiet, for you are a beginning student of Knowledge and do not yet know what to ask for or what to expect.
PRACTICE 100: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.
I was 52 when I started Steps; turned 53 at Step 91, just 9 Steps ago. I did not have a problem being a beginner then, nor even now. The entire work is so great, that there is always something new to incorporate, integrate and apply. As it says, being a beginning student has advantages as it enables learning.
Yesterday: Step 99 - I will not blame the world today.
From the Journal:
12:41 A.M. I shall work to forget and avoid the pain. Sarah [my daughter] is in jail in Texas. … I’m so sad I can’t admit the pain. …
4:20 p.m. – Looking at the world. What do I see – observe. Stuff – the natural environment – trees, plants/lawns – gardens that are cultivated from natural biology – and things formed by man from the raw material of the natural earth. I’m sheltered by this home. A cool/cold fall wind is blowing. A siren from a fire truck sounds, the diesel roar of the motor tells the vehicle is not police on rescue. The light in the bathroom reflects the flow of electricity from a distant generator. Ther is light and warmth here. I’ve clothes – I;ve what I need to continue my life. There are seashells in my view – skeletons of sea life years and miles from here. Decoration by death for life. Wood – picture frames, window frames – one living material, now holding up against long term decay. I see magazines … intelligence or, at least, words, sentences, stories and articles which intend to give knowledge about the world. A plastic curtain – taken from petroleum reserves – hydrocarbons from an earlier time. What is not seen is the pain, agony, fear and abuse which were part of the creation of this environment. What about love? I guess the fact that there is anything at all is the demonstration of love. My own being here – the eyes looking out – movement of the pen shows that #8 is here – but how does it make the 7?
Even though I’ve used the words fear, pain, abuse – even love – this is not judgment but perception; placement on the continuium – amen
11:54 p.m. My life – a conspiracy agains my sanity.
I went to the woods for my 2nd session – “I will not blame the world today.” The previous statement sounds like blame.
My goals of getting caught up at work have been crushed. But – what is new.
At claritree – a yellowing maple – I lay on my back at its base along the stream bank and looked up to the sky. It was 6:30 p.m. – cool wind, cloud darkened sky. I looked at the world without judgment. It felt very good – I did not want to leave – I saw energy move – wisps of fog – in and out among the branches.
Lots of writing if you went through all of it. I leave out personal items, but what is presented is as written – without formal punctuation. I do correct spelling errors, but this is what is written. It need not make sense, just not be crazy.