Greetings All –
Step 177 - I will learn to be honest today.
THERE IS A GREATER HONESTY THAT IS WAITING for you
to discover. There is a greater honesty that you must utilize on your own
behalf. It is not enough merely to know how you feel. It is a greater
requirement to feel what you know. This is a greater honesty and an honesty
that is in harmony with life itself, an honesty that reflects the true
advancement of all beings in the world. This is not merely expressing and
demanding that your personal intent be carried out. It is demanding instead
that the necessity of life within you may express itself in a way that is
genuine to life itself. The form and the manner of this expression will be
contained in the messages that you will need to deliver to others when the time
comes for that to happen.
LEARN, THEN, TO FEEL WHAT YOU KNOW. This is a greater honesty. It requires both openness
and restraint. It requires self-inspection. It requires objectivity about your
life. It requires stillness and peace as well as the ability to engage your
mind actively in exploration. Thus, all that you have learned so far is
contributed and utilized in today’s practice.
REMIND YOURSELF UPON THE HOUR OF TODAY’S PRACTICE and
seriously consider it in the moment in which you find yourself. In the longer
practices today, again enter stillness and engage your mind in this meaningful
activity. The mind must be brought into the proximity of its Ancient Home for
it to find comfort and peace. This requires self-discipline at the outset, but
once the engagement is made, the process happens in and of itself naturally.
LEARN TO BECOME MORE HONEST TODAY. Learn to discern
a greater level of honesty, a genuine level of honesty that affirms your very
nature and does not betray your highest purpose.
PRACTICE 177: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly
practice.
Yesterday: Step 176 - I will follow Knowledge today.
From the Journal:
Heads-up – on this day I had a full pen, lots of
time, and used it to explore my own life and record it to my journal. This
entry is quite long. The purpose of referring to my journal is to enable
Students to have a comparison, a benchmark, an example of journaling. This
entry considers some sensitive and personal perspectives which may have no
application or relevance to the reader’s life. In this case, consider it a
range of things that might be recorded in one’s journal – never to be read by
others. Yes, there were/are things I won’t
put in the journal – or may skip over with a …, but this is just an
effort to have you recognize there is freedom to record your thoughts because,
people mostly don’t care. If you are discrete, no one will find your journals
and read them out loud to your embarrassment. So – here goes.
7:54 AM Sunday, January 9, 2000
Where am I? This is a good question. I sit in my new corner of the world
– between the computer and the stone wall. I remain, to the best of my
understanding, in the common dimension on earth – that is common for humans. It
is called 3–D + time.
I am a very fortunate being. I have the luxury of this quiet time on a
Sunday morning. I'm moving forward-the middle of my life, extending the time
frame for my participation here.
I've come to take less responsibility for the earth and more for myself.
At least that seems to be the direction. From my early youth on, the world
looked like it needed fixing. That started at home just with the relationship
of my parents. My mother was very unhappy about her relationship to the world –
our low income – which was the responsibility of my father. He could do nothing
right at home, yet at work he was respected, but not paid well.
Life did not go smoothly. I loved church [Lutheran] and Bible study, but was confused by the different perspectives of my
mostly Catholic friends.
I related well to teachers, but was smaller and weak among the boys of
the ‘hood.
I've enjoyed teachers all my life, but had often been overwhelmed by my
assumed responsibilities. I chose planning as a profession to help fix the
world. A better perspective now is that of advancing the world. Actually, the
world is doing that on its own. I am falling behind it seems some time.
Where I fit has always been problematic. I was angry about the dysfunction
in my family, but have come to learn everyone was doing the best they could.
I've been quite fortunate – sincerely blessed which leads to guilt – why do I
have so much – but then it's not money, so of necessity I must work on that.
Fear has been a big factor in my life. It is in most people's life. I
saw it in my mother, but not in my father. He tried to deal with her fear – and
let me mediate between them.
ACIM helped me deal with the fear as well as my ACOA work at Caron. Saving the world is a weak position it
seems now. One should advance the world.
The only problem is knowing in which direction to go. Advancing
organizational cooperation, as an antidote to fragmentation and separation
seems to cover my found work. It may come from those early experiences. Blessed
are the peacemakers seems to attract, but I do not have peace in all my
relationships.
People often thrive on conflict and create some where there is none,
just for the adrenalin.
After 53 years of movement on and about the planet, I have thus far
developed skills to keep my body alive and relatively healthy, keep my heart,
mind and spirit open, and contribute here and there to my fellow souls. This
ability has come from intuition, guidance and a more or less willing soul.
The nature of economic and political life varies between cultures and
regions on the planet. The cultural overlays on the physical reality give thy
diversity and provide for continuation of physical beings.
Conflict and war have made an ugly history in terms of life for humans.
Life is preserved and moving. We have a planetary perspective that is
growing. That framework is important to me. As I grew up in the 1950s – and
1960s – there was a two way economic war to dominate the planet – U. S.
democratic capitalism and totalitarian communism. The middle ground was
democratic socialism w/o the market force. The greater issues have been
economic relationships, the need/greed for stuff. This is better than fighting
wars.
Technology, specifically computer technology which digitized the content
of communication, has been a response to growing population which has
tremendously increased the number of transactions on the planet and dust come
to demand more and better communications.
Good communication is what allowed families/tribes to survive/assimilate
when needed – and prosper, building two nations. Religion is a key aspect of
any culture. It's view and relationship to the creative force of the universe
and the spirit world which supports the development of life. The other religion
– science, which takes apart and seeks to understand the physical is a great
force as well for change. We have been, I have been, in interesting times all
my life. When young – the pace of change was slower. That benefited me/and my
peers.
Order and change, sustainability and the creation of value – all
challenges in this environment. GCW says get ready – we'll be joining the
galactic folks and we'll be very surprised.
This is not illogical to me – nor is it illogical that the manifest reality
that I/we experience is the out playing of creation.
The rules of creation, its truth – its knowledge can be unchanging –
while the maid – up manifestation is design/build/sustain
or there are two loops.
Still point in center is connected to/is the spiritual context both in
and out.
→ The whole earth is a single
local planet in the solar system and galaxy and this sector of the universe,
wherever that might be.
→ Its peoples and cultures have
been localized and ethnocentric for the most part. The locals of economic necessity
must be regional in order to be seen and be sustainable.
It has been rare for the earth's peoples and governments to act as one.
The Y2K need to correct a design limitation in the original software genetics
of this industry compelled redesign.
The year date field gene has been expanded to four cells. That gives the
computer DNA 7999 more years of room until Y10K in which case – what? Should
the year date field go to five characters now to extend the DNA to 99999 –
97999 more years?
Maybe we need a trip odometer installed to track time independently of
the big odometer. Might that be more efficient?
Is it more important that computer DNA be an open system? Like the Linux
model, instead of owned by proprietary economic cultures.
In my mapping/recognition of regions – I see that time zones are
powerful regions… And that further, the biological/cultural systems that
supported creation of the technology that then threatened them are easily
capable of beating/fixing the flaws. Knowledge is at work as a powerful wave
within society and that force under girds the sustainable creation.
Going back to my diagram of context – the spiritual context is the
stillness which permeates all manifest contexts.
By recognizing this ultimate relationship – I can be in the world, yet
not of the world – believing that it is reversed. I am a spirit in body and it
is time for the manifest.
Is advancement the goal in manifestation, or simply experience? Since
all experience can't be had at once – and the possibilities for variation are
endless – souls can do this/or do nothing. I need do nothing, yet I've sought
manifestation – and in doing so have a purpose. I accept this – having no real
choice I suppose, and seek to know what I've come to contribute.
I imagine – bringing the spirit connection from stillness in to balance
and dynamic piece could be useful – and I hear "yes."
So, this is where I am today @9:35 A.M. On with S2K. As I left the woods
last night I was accompanied by golden light at many points along the path.
Su-Ne has also become a truth point.
12:56 p.m. What would Knowledge have me do today? In this time of quiet
and peace map the structure that will return meaning, purpose, direction do it
right here.
What is the meaning of the PDC [Planning District
Commission]? Its creation
meant that leaders recognize the need for a structure which grouped local
governments and to districts as a means to overcome the separation created when
they chartered. Its creation was voluntary not mandatory. It was a structure to
help deal with change. It was by design, intended to be used for administration
in government. It was an aide to see larger.
Purpose flows from the meaning which is dynamic. It was meant to support
cooperation, but a single region can be no more effective than a single
locality if it does not look both outwardly and inwardly.
Direction. There has been a shift in the direction toward being a
resource on greater issues, the facilitator of access to the state and the
development of issues.
I am the representative, primary balancer of the dynamic direction of
the commission work. I respond to issues and draw the resources I can. It is my
personal relationships which are key to my survival, I progress. Every
relationship I have is based on listening first. In order to help or be help in
finding the direction of need, the trend.
My life now is not what I would have had it be, it the communicator role
I envisioned to help/rescue/save the world – is just different – not a
filmmaker, documentary or entertainment loaded with a heavy, heavy message –
but a hub who can facilitate the bringing together of groups for the
advancement of the world.
That is PDC/regions work – but what is my personal meaning, direction,
purpose?
My meaning as a human is based on family relationships at this place and
time. I am son, father, husband, uncle, cousin – grandfather – most of all.
Children and the responsibility they bring changes lives. An imperfect
children/imperfect parents/imperfect lives. There are disappointments.
Perpetuation of the family and the race, event or not, becomes necessary. This
I see looking back. I did not understand family until later in life.
3:15 PM. Following knowledge? About 1:30 P.M. I made some lunch and
coffee. I turned on TV to see what was on. I saw a man of knowledge – James
McBride who was being interviewed about his book "The Color of
Water." It was about his family life in New York City – children of an
interracial couple. His father black, his mother white/Jewish. Apparently his
father/and stepfather died – she was a single mother. He told his story – and
came to resolve issues he had – focusing on the problem of growing up poor.
I continued sampling the TV – fair on Sunday afternoon. The other thing
that caught my eye was MTV – where they are teaching music – guitar and piano
and dance.
The last hook was a Compaq PC commercial. The units get better and
cheaper, though I want a Dell. I do not have the time to use what I have – it
needs to be simplified.
Will techno optimism end in the US? Will it spread? What of the poor?
How can they be reached? I had an idea today for give.org – a system to simply
give things away – get it out of my garage/basement.
It might be need – give, where people list what they want – and what
they need. Keep the stopped moving. Avoid the landfill – a regional
communication service.
Waste not/want not.
5:30 PM. At the office. I walked as directed. I'm angry. I guess I'm
having to give up my fantasy – that cooperation changes minds and creates
value. The necessity is what did I get for the money? The universe is a bean
counter.
I do not know where things went wrong. People grew – they left – keeping
success sores trained became difficult – then came double cross. Too many
assumptions. Too much trust. Too much vision – too few resources. I got smacked
– smacked hard.
7:15 in nearly 2 hours here I've only accomplished airline ticket
research. I've also added new calendar pages. Not much – I'm trying to print
out the eyes see and a fund info I'll probably not use. Rage popped out at 6:55
– deep, painful screams to no one. Time is being wasted. There is nothing here
and nothing at home.
I need real help – even just to move my own ass. High to low that is
what it has always been.
8:05 PM. I cannot follow anything. I cannot tell personal from real. I
am lost. I cannot lead. I must go home.
9:40 5 PM. Just now getting ready to leave. I've accomplished some work.
The desk is clearer – I am back to my old workaholic self – is that S2K? I did
necessary things. I did work. I don't know if I was following Knowledge. In the
past when I carried the load it seems all I did was carry others too. That made
me angry – that no one could see. This was the paradox – that the most flexible
person must be the leader. Prima donna talents don't look that way. They are
demanding and people respond. I am demanding and people slough off – I don't
get it. May be I never will.
I do not know why I work this way. It might be
knowledge or insanity.
10:15 p.m. My long practice leads to a Holy
Instant – here at the office – in the chair I sit in daily. The purpose,
meaning and direction here is sacred. I have followed knowledge here. I am at
peace. I've blessed all my relationships and now head home warmly.
Amen & Amen
Thomas Joseph
Christoffel
T-om Su-ne
Blessed son of the
creator
– in whose service I
am.
1:02 AM. Monday, January 10. Space from a high at work – I come home –
eat – wind down – two hours – one surfing – someday I might stay in Knowledge.
I must continue to practice.
NNC
