Greetings All –
SEEK FREEDOM FROM AMBIVALENCE, for this is the
source of all human confusion, misery and frustration. Ambivalence is the indecision
about participating with life. It is the indecision about being in life. It is
the indecision about being alive. From this indecision all manner of self-imposition, all manner of attack and all manner of confrontation are
created. It is from this indecision that people live in fantasy without
Knowledge.
BEWARE OF AMBIVALENCE THEN. It is a sign that you
are functioning without Knowledge and that you are trying to make your decisions
based purely upon speculation, personal preference and fear. It is decision
making without foundation that leads humanity astray. It is decision making
without foundation that has led you astray. Knowledge dispels ambivalence, for it sets a clear
direction. It is unconcerned with choices and with deliberation, for it simply
knows what is correct and leads you towards your fulfillment, step by step, with
certainty and abiding conviction.
REMEMBER UPON THE HOUR THAT YOU WISH TO ESCAPE from
ambivalence. Realize as you repeat your lesson how much of your life is wasted
in trying to decide between this and that, in asking yourself, “What should I
do now,” in querying yourself about what is right and what is wrong and in wondering and worrying about
the best choice and its possible consequences. Knowledge liberates you from
this taxing and wasteful application of your mind. Knowledge does not deliberate.
It simply waits for the time to act and then it acts. It is absolutely certain
in its direction. It is unshakable in its conviction. If you follow this, which
is God’s greatest gift to you who live in the world of ambivalence and
confusion, you will find that you will have purpose, meaning and direction and
that day after day they will be very available to you.
IN YOUR DEEPER MEDITATIONS attempt to give yourself
wholeheartedly to your practice. Do not be ambivalent about your practice. Do
not hold back out of fear or uncertainty, for you are participating in this preparation
because Knowledge has called you to do so, and every day you give yourself
because Knowledge calls you to do so. Thus,
as we proceed through our preparation together, your Knowledge is strengthened
day by day, for it is the basis of your participation here. What other reason could
you possibly have for becoming a student of Knowledge?
THEREFORE, IN YOUR DEEPER PRACTICES and in your
hourly remembrances, strengthen your conviction that you must escape from ambivalence.
Realize the deadly cost of ambivalence. See how it keeps people lost in their
ideas, denying their engagement with life. See the human cost around you. It is
tremendous. Realize that with certainty everyone will find their rightful
place. The world will proceed without the friction that it now must bear. In
this way, all things seek fulfillment together in inclusion in life. That is
The Way of Knowledge.
PRACTICE 274: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly
practice.
The notion of our “Ancient Home” was first
introduced in Step 1. Where is that? It seems to be the place we were before
going into The Separation. The last paragraph of Step 273 expresses the challenge as “redemption of the
world.” I wrote the problem as: “separation from Knowledge-“
Since it was Saturday, I had much time to think and
write in the journal. I’ve edited it down, but feel free to skip through. This
is my journey. Sometimes it isn’t even interesting to me. It is simply an
example from one life.
8:01
a.m. Saturday, April 15, 2000 –
Income
tax day. I do not understand the world, I do not understand myself or my
relationships, so I seek Knowledge – Holy Spirit – my relationship with the creator.
And I can sense my guides/teachers saying yes – that is it – it is a
relationship all have. Becoming aware of it – connected to the creator – net in
a conscious way is the practice. I envision multiple nets, a matrix for the
creator is not a single point. Creation and creator are the same? We are
within the a creation matrix.
So –
what am I doing here? The creation seeks higher order manifestation which is
not damaging to life. Beautiful planets and civilizations.
Descartes
said, "I think, therefore I am." That's mind and body. For spirit
it is I am – therefore I think and manifest. The essence is of the
creator – I am that I am. Mind and matter are in play – the creation is.
Planetary
environments – physical, bio-logical & techno-logical, are the habitat for
humanity and other species.
Life
manifests and perpetuates itself. There are spiritual families which play
supportive roles in creation for the manifest is unknown until it is in play.
Life
in play is composed of wholes and fragments. Growth and change.
Envision
the whole – be a small part – promote integration. We are one/won.
I'm
so eloquent and without audience. The whole is fragmented into smaller wholes
which become independent – rebelling against their progenitor.
What
is viewed as whole – is always a fragment. (RUOW – too much fragmentation.)
The
reality of economic survival. If I'm so smart, how come I'm not rich?
Another
voice If you were money rich you would not now be at
this perspective. You do not lack for physical amenities – and your environment
is extremely wealthy – as you often noted. W/o experience it is difficult to
perceive the reality that can teach.
All
physical environments contain risk to life. Trauma can and does happen.
Recovery occurs – souls are rescued.
See
time as a tool. It marks navigation through space. Your true mission is to deal
with fragmentation and to utilize integration. Local/regional is the lens
through which you approach the issue and you can see it everywhere.
Fragmentation is dis-integration. It is a tool of creation. Mr.
Kropotkin – "the urge to destroy is a creative urge."[Actually
Mikhail Bakunin] Lives integrate
and disintegrate. There are forces.
Dylan
– "that's how it feels, when things disintegrate." [from “Can’t Wait” on the
1997 album “Time Out of Mind” - Bob Dylan]
Things
are always falling apart into new orders. It is entropic, it is rhythmic, it is
life. It is Ecclesiastes
– Turn, Turn, Turn.
Bide
by the seasons in your life.
It
is your goal to fill the book to the last page and start over with a new book.
Let's
go on to think about what your future might be – what actions you must take.
Fear struck – for it still looks negative to your ego.
You
are free and have transition time. You experienced this sense, yet shame as
experienced by the ego. You have lost status – been denied your
accomplishments, and relieved of command – Lee Iacoca – it happened to him –
whacked as CEO of Ford – went on to Chrysler. You're a car guy – don't dwell on
the past. You needed to be free and are – but freedom is scary – in the full
risk universe – that is why you are not alone. No soul travels alone in truth.
Keeping the physical humans separated from their soul families is the method of
domination as opposed to methods of organization.
One
page left – what do you want? The recipe to the universe? The single rule for
investment success? The one click Amazon.com step to soul integration? The
feeling that has me now, other than the undercurrent of irritation with Cindy
for distracting me, is the gratitude for the AA groups here in Front Royal who
took Sarah in and helped her grow. The world is full of wounded who have
recovered and help each other in peer networks – families of pain – and gain.
The
eternal network of souls. The more Whole we become, the better we network. The
more we network – the more whole/local we become, the more whole/regional, we
become, the more we integrate and access the power: life. Choose life.
11:06
a.m. --- S2K – 273 – "My Teachers hold the memory of my Ancient Home for
me." This I need. When the time is right, the teacher will appear. I'd
always looked for a physical teacher. My unseen teachers have appeared
throughout my life. S2K is increasing my access to my teachers for the sake of
my growth in KNOWLEDGE. OK.
1:15
p.m. My world is getting in order – the big world is in turmoil. Stock market
down – I'm buying into the down trend. Lots of sad people. I've a 10 year
horizon minimum. I might have started too soon, but w/o Adam's evaluation I
wouldn't have known where to go.
This
afternoon I need to work on my plan.
2:07
p.m. Is it a business? I don't think so. It is a research proposition.
He's
got the whole world in his hands.
If
money were no object – I do a regional registry 1st – a contact database –
including websites of all regional councils.
2nd
– a database sort routine that if you enter ZIP Code, locality name &
state, or County/State it would list your region.
– design
your region –
– enter
place of residence, place of work, place of other family work, weekend
recreation spots –
→ It maps that,
then relates that to existing regions –
→ a cascading map
that shows historical County formations – then overlays current regions –
genealogy
→ local
government based regions –
→ neighbors &
peers database routine that takes any state data table – sorts by region and
geographic proximity – then can map.
---
[Community by regions.]
Regions
can be imposed from above. They are better/can be tools of empowerment if they
have agreement below – or are originated from below.
---
[My
light is in the dark – I need more people/spirit teachers to find my way
forward.]
5:07
p.m. At Little Bear. I brought the camera – it was in the car – and took
pictures. I wonder how many devas will be in the frames?
Walking
in is my traditional letting go of work issues. That was done before the 1st
vortex at the streambed split. I decided I had to stick around to see how they
(the commission) dealt with the new costs (overhead) they've created. ---
When
I got to the wall – there was nothing to ground from work – how freeing that
is.
Northern
Shenandoah Valley – Regional Community 101.
4:20
p.m. 4/22/2000 Everything Networks – the true fabric of the creation
7:47
p.m. @ Su–ne – the woods here on the Dickey Ridge Trail feel like home. They
always have. This is a place I go to to restore my Soul. The Lords Chapel is
another place that feels like home. When I'm in a Holy Instant – It Feels like
Home – T–om – H–ome.
I
have a gift for the world if I can only articulate it, birth it. This requires
more Knowledge than I now have.
I've
not been still very much in the woods here… But that may be OK – I took
pictures to send to Sarah.
If you made it all
the way through that, thanks. After mapping the manifest creation, I wrote: At
one point I wrote: “I'm so eloquent
and without audience.” Not eloquent, but perhaps here for a tiny
audience, those who may be interested in how another person’s journey
proceeded, bumps, warts and random insight.
Later I note: “Another voice” At some point in my journaling I was began to hold
conversations with other voices. This is a literary technique, but that was not
the reason that I used it. In a reading about 1989 I was told that I had four
guides and that we were working together as a team on a project. I was also
told that I could listen for these voices for inspiration. I’d done that over
the years.
The introduction of the notion of Teachers in Steps
was not new, but the quality of one’s Teachers and Guides is important, as we
are told there are many voices that wish to communicate to us. It is for this
reason one should say: “I surround and
protect myself with the love and the grace of God” prior to meditating. The invocation
Nasi Novare Coram is presented in Step 296 and translated as: “The presence of the Teachers of God is with
me.”
So, let us continue.
NNC
P.S. At Step 274, we are into Part Two of Steps, so
if you’ve found this and find some appeal in this or other Steps, you should
really go to the beginning blog post. From here you learn about Steps to Knowledge and
can begin it on the day that makes sense and then progress as needed. You can
use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in
order in the archives - one per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps
once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference
how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide
a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One
may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps
students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as
a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well
through the Free School of the New Message.
