Greetings All –
Step 274 - I seek freedom from ambivalence today. Entry for Step 273 - My Teachers hold the memory of my Ancient Home for me.
Greetings All –
SEEK FREEDOM FROM AMBIVALENCE, for this is the source of all human confusion, misery and frustration. Ambivalence is the indecision about participating with life. It is the indecision about being in life. It is the indecision about being alive. From this indecision all manner of self-imposition, all manner of attack and all manner of confrontation are created. It is from this indecision that people live in fantasy without Knowledge.
BEWARE OF AMBIVALENCE THEN. It is a sign that you are functioning without Knowledge and that you are trying to make your decisions based purely upon speculation, personal preference and fear. It is decision making without foundation that leads humanity astray. It is decision making without foundation that has led you astray. Knowledge dispels ambivalence, for it sets a clear direction. It is unconcerned with choices and with deliberation, for it simply knows what is correct and leads you towards your fulfillment, step by step, with certainty and abiding conviction.
REMEMBER UPON THE HOUR THAT YOU WISH TO ESCAPE from ambivalence. Realize as you repeat your lesson how much of your life is wasted in trying to decide between this and that, in asking yourself, “What should I do now,” in querying yourself about what is right and what is wrong and in wondering and worrying about the best choice and its possible consequences. Knowledge liberates you from this taxing and wasteful application of your mind. Knowledge does not deliberate. It simply waits for the time to act and then it acts. It is absolutely certain in its direction. It is unshakable in its conviction. If you follow this, which is God’s greatest gift to you who live in the world of ambivalence and confusion, you will find that you will have purpose, meaning and direction and that day after day they will be very available to you.
IN YOUR DEEPER MEDITATIONS attempt to give yourself wholeheartedly to your practice. Do not be ambivalent about your practice. Do not hold back out of fear or uncertainty, for you are participating in this preparation because Knowledge has called you to do so, and every day you give yourself because Knowledge calls you to do so. Thus, as we proceed through our preparation together, your Knowledge is strengthened day by day, for it is the basis of your participation here. What other reason could you possibly have for becoming a student of Knowledge?
THEREFORE, IN YOUR DEEPER PRACTICES and in your hourly remembrances, strengthen your conviction that you must escape from ambivalence. Realize the deadly cost of ambivalence. See how it keeps people lost in their ideas, denying their engagement with life. See the human cost around you. It is tremendous. Realize that with certainty everyone will find their rightful place. The world will proceed without the friction that it now must bear. In this way, all things seek fulfillment together in inclusion in life. That is The Way of Knowledge.
PRACTICE 274: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.
The notion of our “Ancient Home” was first introduced in Step 1. Where is that? It seems to be the place we were before going into The Separation. The last paragraph of Step 273 expresses the challenge as “redemption of the world.” I wrote the problem as: “separation from Knowledge-“
Since it was Saturday, I had much time to think and write in the journal. I’ve edited it down, but feel free to skip through. This is my journey. Sometimes it isn’t even interesting to me. It is simply an example from one life.
8:01 a.m. Saturday, April 15, 2000 –
Income tax day. I do not understand the world, I do not understand myself or my relationships, so I seek Knowledge – Holy Spirit – my relationship with the creator. And I can sense my guides/teachers saying yes – that is it – it is a relationship all have. Becoming aware of it – connected to the creator – net in a conscious way is the practice. I envision multiple nets, a matrix for the creator is not a single point. Creation and creator are the same? We are within the a creation matrix.
So – what am I doing here? The creation seeks higher order manifestation which is not damaging to life. Beautiful planets and civilizations.
Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." That's mind and body. For spirit it is I am – therefore I think and manifest. The essence is of the creator – I am that I am. Mind and matter are in play – the creation is.
Planetary environments – physical, bio-logical & techno-logical, are the habitat for humanity and other species.
Life manifests and perpetuates itself. There are spiritual families which play supportive roles in creation for the manifest is unknown until it is in play.
Life in play is composed of wholes and fragments. Growth and change.
Envision the whole – be a small part – promote integration. We are one/won.
I'm so eloquent and without audience. The whole is fragmented into smaller wholes which become independent – rebelling against their progenitor.
What is viewed as whole – is always a fragment. (RUOW – too much fragmentation.)
The reality of economic survival. If I'm so smart, how come I'm not rich?
Another voice If you were money rich you would not now be at this perspective. You do not lack for physical amenities – and your environment is extremely wealthy – as you often noted. W/o experience it is difficult to perceive the reality that can teach.
All physical environments contain risk to life. Trauma can and does happen. Recovery occurs – souls are rescued.
See time as a tool. It marks navigation through space. Your true mission is to deal with fragmentation and to utilize integration. Local/regional is the lens through which you approach the issue and you can see it everywhere. Fragmentation is dis-integration. It is a tool of creation. Mr. Kropotkin – "the urge to destroy is a creative urge."[Actually Mikhail Bakunin] Lives integrate and disintegrate. There are forces.
Dylan – "that's how it feels, when things disintegrate." [from “Can’t Wait” on the 1997 album “Time Out of Mind” - Bob Dylan]
Things are always falling apart into new orders. It is entropic, it is rhythmic, it is life. It is Ecclesiastes – Turn, Turn, Turn.
Bide by the seasons in your life.
It is your goal to fill the book to the last page and start over with a new book.
Let's go on to think about what your future might be – what actions you must take. Fear struck – for it still looks negative to your ego.
You are free and have transition time. You experienced this sense, yet shame as experienced by the ego. You have lost status – been denied your accomplishments, and relieved of command – Lee Iacoca – it happened to him – whacked as CEO of Ford – went on to Chrysler. You're a car guy – don't dwell on the past. You needed to be free and are – but freedom is scary – in the full risk universe – that is why you are not alone. No soul travels alone in truth. Keeping the physical humans separated from their soul families is the method of domination as opposed to methods of organization.
One page left – what do you want? The recipe to the universe? The single rule for investment success? The one click Amazon.com step to soul integration? The feeling that has me now, other than the undercurrent of irritation with Cindy for distracting me, is the gratitude for the AA groups here in Front Royal who took Sarah in and helped her grow. The world is full of wounded who have recovered and help each other in peer networks – families of pain – and gain.
The eternal network of souls. The more Whole we become, the better we network. The more we network – the more whole/local we become, the more whole/regional, we become, the more we integrate and access the power: life. Choose life.
11:06 a.m. --- S2K – 273 – "My Teachers hold the memory of my Ancient Home for me." This I need. When the time is right, the teacher will appear. I'd always looked for a physical teacher. My unseen teachers have appeared throughout my life. S2K is increasing my access to my teachers for the sake of my growth in KNOWLEDGE. OK.
1:15 p.m. My world is getting in order – the big world is in turmoil. Stock market down – I'm buying into the down trend. Lots of sad people. I've a 10 year horizon minimum. I might have started too soon, but w/o Adam's evaluation I wouldn't have known where to go.
This afternoon I need to work on my plan.
2:07 p.m. Is it a business? I don't think so. It is a research proposition.
He's got the whole world in his hands.
If money were no object – I do a regional registry 1st – a contact database – including websites of all regional councils.
2nd – a database sort routine that if you enter ZIP Code, locality name & state, or County/State it would list your region.
– design your region –
– enter place of residence, place of work, place of other family work, weekend recreation spots –
→ It maps that, then relates that to existing regions –
→ a cascading map that shows historical County formations – then overlays current regions – genealogy
→ local government based regions –
→ neighbors & peers database routine that takes any state data table – sorts by region and geographic proximity – then can map.
[Community by regions.]
Regions can be imposed from above. They are better/can be tools of empowerment if they have agreement below – or are originated from below.
[My light is in the dark – I need more people/spirit teachers to find my way forward.]
5:07 p.m. At Little Bear. I brought the camera – it was in the car – and took pictures. I wonder how many devas will be in the frames?
Walking in is my traditional letting go of work issues. That was done before the 1st vortex at the streambed split. I decided I had to stick around to see how they (the commission) dealt with the new costs (overhead) they've created. ---
When I got to the wall – there was nothing to ground from work – how freeing that is.
Northern Shenandoah Valley – Regional Community 101.
4:20 p.m. 4/22/2000 Everything Networks – the true fabric of the creation
7:47 p.m. @ Su–ne – the woods here on the Dickey Ridge Trail feel like home. They always have. This is a place I go to to restore my Soul. The Lords Chapel is another place that feels like home. When I'm in a Holy Instant – It Feels like Home – T–om – H–ome.
I have a gift for the world if I can only articulate it, birth it. This requires more Knowledge than I now have.
I've not been still very much in the woods here… But that may be OK – I took pictures to send to Sarah.
If you made it all the way through that, thanks. After mapping the manifest creation, I wrote: At one point I wrote: “I'm so eloquent and without audience.” Not eloquent, but perhaps here for a tiny audience, those who may be interested in how another person’s journey proceeded, bumps, warts and random insight.
Later I note: “Another voice” At some point in my journaling I was began to hold conversations with other voices. This is a literary technique, but that was not the reason that I used it. In a reading about 1989 I was told that I had four guides and that we were working together as a team on a project. I was also told that I could listen for these voices for inspiration. I’d done that over the years.
The introduction of the notion of Teachers in Steps was not new, but the quality of one’s Teachers and Guides is important, as we are told there are many voices that wish to communicate to us. It is for this reason one should say: “I surround and protect myself with the love and the grace of God” prior to meditating. The invocation Nasi Novare Coram is presented in Step 296 and translated as: “The presence of the Teachers of God is with me.”
So, let us continue.
P.S. At Step 274, we are into Part Two of Steps, so if you’ve found this and find some appeal in this or other Steps, you should really go to the beginning blog post. From here you learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense and then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.