Step 294 – Review~Invocation “I am now a student of Knowledge." Entry for Step 293 - I do not wish to suffer today.
Greetings All –
BEGIN THIS TWO-WEEK REVIEW WITH THIS INVOCATION: “I AM NOW A STUDENT OF KNOWLEDGE." I will learn of the meaning and the purpose of Knowledge through my participation. I will follow my participation without attempting to alter its methods or its lessons in any way because I wish to learn. I am a student of Knowledge in a world where Knowledge seems to be absent. For this reason I have been sent here to prepare to give that which Knowledge will wish to give to the world. I am a student of Knowledge. I am secure in my responsibility. In this, I will receive all that I truly desire, for I truly desire to love the world.”
FOLLOWING THIS INVOCATION begin your two-week Review. Beginning with the first day in this two-week period, read the lesson for that day and remember your practice. Continue on in this way to cover all the days in this two-week period, and then attempt to have an overview of your life during this practice time. Begin to see what has occurred in your life in this two-week period.
AS YOU GAIN AN OVERVIEW, you will begin to see the movement of your life. Perhaps this will be subtle at first, but you will soon begin to realize that your life is progressing rapidly and that your values and your experience of yourself are changing. You are changing fundamentally. You are finally becoming yourself. You will realize that war, which still rages in you from time to time, will diminish and become less frequent. Only with a conscious and objective overview can this be recognized, and as it is recognized, it will give you the confidence and the conviction to proceed on, for you will know that you are following your true course and your true destiny. You will know that you are a true student of Knowledge and that you have made the right decision concerning your studenthood.
PRACTICE 294: One long practice period.
Yesterday: Step 293 - I do not wish to suffer today.
It was suffering that brought me to Steps to Knowledge. I was suffering in the world. Thus far, Step 293 has brought me a long way to understanding the source of suffering and points to a means to end it: “strengthen your resolve to be a student of Knowledge, for this will free you from all suffering and will give you the greatness that you are intended to give to the world.”
The journal entry for this day is long. Student suffering, no doubt, takes many forms. As I work though mine there are a few beams of light.
7:17 p.m. May 5, 2000 –
On the back porch. The mundane work done. Smoking a cigar – why? I stopped in Warrenton – there was a shop – I pick one in an aluminum tube because it reminded me of Jo E---. It would help to have a Wild Turkey to go with it, that would be perfect alignment. Is this to desecrate the day? The great alignment? No – cigar smoking has led to many Holy Instants. The cigar is tightly wrapped – cool & mild –
"I do not wish to suffer today" is the practice. It seems I should do more –
7:55 p.m. Back from ABC [State liquor store] w Wild Turkey – to honor Jo E--- or just an excuse? I'm really hurt today – this numbing of suffering – or hoping to go to a happier time. At least it seemed happy – M.E. was seething of course – she would have never tolerated M. E. – Evan – though she wouldn't have been help with the alcohol –
The whole world serves me – as it serves every soul. I'm easily satisfied – the world produces great cars, great people, strong people in difficult situations. My dad might not do this – he wouldn't be allowed. This is disturbing to Cindy – but most things are. I'm down to a Freddie the Freeloader – (Red Skelton) stub of a cigar – not likely to be my last – but maybe – male testosterone – In the dark – cigarettes, pipes, tobacco has no taste. I remember pitching a pipe into the Caribbean – selling all my pipes to Ed D--- – smoking [a pipe] too much work –
Mike P--- – smoking a White Owl Ranger in the Varsity Grill? – learning about sex – he gave me the book that explained it all –
We – Cindy & I – were going to Madison at Easter – but canceled – God what a life. Wisconsin was a different planet – though the same solar system.
Honoring alcohol & tobacco – In The Lessons from the Long House – Hiawatha was told alcohol was given to the white man – not the red man – I'm 50 – 50 – Old Chief – tobacco – Thomas of Dykstra – whiskey –
Where are my human friends today? All over the planet. My kids – David & Sarah – off tobacco & alcohol – I don't have their biology – they – don't have mine.
So – my $4.25 cigar and $2 40 double shot of Wild Turkey mini substitutes for Stomp and/or Richmond's NASCAR race.
How shall I move on "regional intelligence" – I'm open to it unfolding.
And what does my spiritual family think? Perhaps they get some of the sensory effect secondhand.
All things in moderation.
As a dedicated student of Knowledge I must leave this behind? Probably –
I had wanted to launch Regions work on May 11 – Emily's birthday
The Navy – God I loved being at sea – my Phoenician soul again in the Med. I find affinity everywhere.
Few have erred against me – I was perhaps a partner in the event. It has been the clear, strong, grace of God that has been my goal and guidance.
Fear would like to rattle me. It can produce fearful images. I've learned to ignore reactions to them.
I'm a willing servant for what is next.
It always amazed me that the Barney stayed afloat – even with my own error which put it dead in the water.
The planning district is not about planning – but about regional community.
So this sacred day of alignment – my communion is tobacco & bourbon – honoring all my teachers, honoring all the universe which serves me as I serve it.
Surrounded by life – immersed in life – Front Royal – another Nazareth – What good can come from there?
My greatest goal is not to threaten –
From Bing Crosby Park – the roller coaster runs – I'd take the kids there most nights. That's where we met Kim B--- –
Knowledge is such a friend to my soul. How can I bring others along?
8:55 p.m. To the outside light – CD "Sky of Grace"
If you read it all, I hope you got a laugh or two. As a stream of consciousness, certainly not anything James Joyce would have produced. No art here, except perhaps persistence.
Many other aspects of my life journey had been dealt with earlier in healing modalities, but I conclude that healing is needed throughout life. One thing fixed, then something else comes along. The advantage of journaling is that often, writing something down enables one to get it out of their head. Other things can replace crappy thoughts, unless there is a means to declutter on a regular basis. That is the direction Steps takes us and we are given the four pillars practice. Let us continue.
P.S. At Step 294, we are into Part Two of Steps, so if you’ve found this and find some appeal in this or other Steps, you should really go to the beginning blog post. From here you learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense and then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.