Step 275 - Today I seek freedom from uncertainty. Entry for Step 274 - I seek freedom from ambivalence today.

Greetings All –

SEEKING FREEDOM FROM UNCERTAINTY means that you are seeking freedom that is genuine, that is real and that truly deserves the name of freedom. In essence, you either know what you are doing or you do not. If you do not know what you are doing, you simply wait for Knowledge. If you know what you are doing, you simply follow what you know. It is that simple. Unnecessary speculation, the attempt to make premature decisions based upon fear or preference, the requirement that you have the certainty that you lack and the projection of blame upon yourself and others for the failures of your weak decision making are what have taxed your mind, your body and your world. It is this you wish to escape today so that you may find the freedom in the certainty that God has given you. It is this certainty you must discover and follow. By following this you will reap all of its rewards and will become a contributor of these rewards in the world.

UPON THE HOUR REMEMBER TODAY’S IDEA and see its complete relevancy to the world about you. In your deeper practice periods, give yourself to stillness. Give yourself to this encounter with Knowledge. Give yourself completely and let neither ambivalence nor uncertainty hold you back. In this, you will exercise the strength of Knowledge by following Knowledge, and in time you will become as strong as Knowledge truly is. Therefore, today seek to escape uncertainty and all that accompanies it. For this has destroyed the inspiration of humankind and has led humankind to war upon itself and the world.

PRACTICE 275: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.

Ambivalence was the topic of this Step. I did think about it quite a bit and wrote this in the Steps book.

- If lack of ambivalence is the criteria, then I’m in the minority. Everyone else seems to Know exactly what they want – and move forward with certainty.
- Going with the flow – doing the next thing in front of me; no choice – simply act, act, act – is that the freedom from ambivalence? -

The problem of “knowing what to do” had been with me a good portion of my life. Those around me seemed well directed, pursuing what they thought important. I didn’t necessarily agree, but they were moving – I wasn’t sure that I was.

From the Journal:

6:56 a.m. Sunday, April 16, 2000 – I have to make sense out of what I know. That will take time.

7:21 a.m. "I seek freedom from ambivalence today." This is certainly a need. I churn my mind often. At the same time I've been able to act with meaning, direction, and purpose. It isn't always acceptable to the world. Confusion and ambivalence abound. It wasn't that long ago that I decided to stay here. ACIM said when death is the answer, you go is involved.

Relative to regions work – it is not time to act – I need more preparation, more development of the ideas. So – I'll take time to do that and build a corporate database.

8:41 a.m. Completed Practice one. It took time to get to stillness. Ambivalence & confusion – 40 days in the desert – over and over again.

> Neighbors and Peers analysis.

- Local region/Comparative Regions

Regional benchmarking

Regions Work – a new approach to regional cooperation for local and state governments.

One citizen –

There's only one taxpayer –

- Citizens demand wholeness
- and an end to local fragmentation.

Where is my ambivalence?

9:20 a.m. ACIM also promised HS [Holy Spirit] direction. It guided me for a long time – but it was not the total answer – at least it didn't seem so.

ACIM                      S2K
Illusion    =      Fantasy

Following ACIM I recognized myself as an unhealed healer, seeking to be a teacher of God. We are always teaching –

ACIM came through the voice of Jesus. It is complex, detailed – metaphysical.

[Note entered] 4:26 p.m. 4/22/2000 – Absorbing all of this understanding – experiencing this understanding – here at the beach, on a plastic bench – all the power of the universe runs through me – in knowing direct communication with holy spirit. It is profound in a commonplace.

Meaning, Direction, Purpose – if I have these things, why do I remain ambivalent?

ACIM – CH 1 – Principles of Miracles –
46. "The Holy Spirit is the highest communication medium. Miracles do not involve this type of communication, because they are temporary communication devices. When you return to your original form of communication with God by direct revelation, the need for miracles is over." p. 4

The answer is easily and quickly found – Knowledge is the next step – the final step, Direct communication.  

4 p.m. How am I being ambivalent?

11:41 p.m. I've been contemplating ambivalence all day – trying to understand in what respect I can become free from it. I have been ambivalent about life and in my life, but I've come to not fear many things as a result of my spiritual work. The clear relationship for me of ACIM to S2K that I found today was freeing.

Out on the porch, with the rain nicely dripping down – I decided that the only ambivalence I can change is that toward Knowledge – Holy Spirit. So – I choose to receive all from Knowledge that I can – and act on Knowledge –

Amen & Amen

This remains an interesting Step. The last thing a Student would want is to be “ambivalent,” but how can we be sure that is not the case, at least some of the time?

I am again thinking of A Course in Miracles (ACIM) this day and working to reconcile that with Steps. Steps meets the need for the “Illusion management” skills that we require in the temporary world we inhabit. While this world may be an illusion, it never seemed to me to be possible for my mind alone to have created it. I could change my mind, but the illusion was still there, even if I did not participate.

Let us continue.


P.S. At Step 275, we are into Part Two of Steps, so if you’ve found this and find some appeal in this or other Steps, you should really go to the beginning blog post. From here you learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense and then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one per Step.

Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message