Greetings All –
|"Review the past week of practices and instruction." Step 77|
9:56 a.m. In my youth I thought the world might be understandable. It is perhaps livable for the majority, though quality is an issue - On a second by second basis, most - the 99.999999999% majority choose to live. The process sustains the underlying wave of life surges forward in an infinite number of of directions.
Reclaiming Knowledge - my age 17 vision of the universe as a spilled file cabinet of information.
3:21 p.m. At the land - (Frederick County) ...
In the w-holy place I spend my sabbath. The stream goes to the sea. Water always knows where it is going -
Review - Step 77 - I am there. It is like a review of Turn, Turn, Turn - "You must learn of truth and you must learn of error." It feels like I've had more experience of error - w/o learning. Whatever I'm to be learning at lfpdc - it is surely slow. The people side is most difficult. Step 77 says: Unless you have learned of error and can look at it objectively and understand how it has arisen and how it can be relieved - until you have learned these thing - you will not know how to serve others, and their errors will anger you and frustrate you." [This is where I am now and have been for several years.]
It says: "With Knowledge your expectations will be in harmony with the nature of another. ... you will learn how to serve and forget how to condemn."
I needed "knowledge" five years ago - I need it now every day, every minute.
Dear Tom -
Remain on the path. Keep your faith. Knowledge is with you.
Step 71 - greater purpose - Valley Restoration?
72 - trust my deepest inclinations -
I listed them 6 p.m. - 9/27 - They are:
- to seek spirit (Knowledge)
- to promote/make others aware of - cooperation
- to be a good teacher/student/teacher
- to see beauty in people, situations and things - (a separate perspective)
- to understand the movement/flow of time - past, present, future
- to be in the forest - the woods
- to serve, help and be helped as teacher/student
- to honor the land
- to build/assemble -
- to organize for a piece of the flow
- Design - living, self-adapting creation
- to stay embodied
- to love my children -
>in the copy I've changed a few as of 10/2/99
Step 78 - I will allow my errors to teach me.
→ I've made many, many errors - but not debriefed myself to get the lesson or make the behavior change.
→ How have I erred? Let me list the ways.
- I let David move to live with M.E.
- No - I must look at it from day 1 →
- I said I wouldn't live in a small town
- I didn't stick with weights
- I didn't get music lessons for guitar
- I didn't kiss ...
- I took responsibility for my parents
- I didn't understand my entertainer profile and cultivate my talents
- I didn't write to publish
- I proposed to soon to M.E.
- I was too focused on marriage
- I didn't know my strength
- I didn't stay in stocks - 1973 -
- I didn't take the job in KY
- I didn't get more training
- I didn't go to learn what alcoholism was sooner.
- I didn't go back to Madison
- I didn't keep my resume current
- I didn't move after the kids
- I stayed at the PDC
- I married again
- I try to help
- I didn't focus on computer skills sooner - 10/16/99
What is real error?
Not taking responsibility for the outcome. I like the life I've made, but not all the characters that have come into it. TJC
I don't know what error is. I do know I'm angry - it is the judgement that must go with it.
- Error - I was in fear 12/98 and too my securities and converted to cash at 9200 out of fear that I would loose in Y2K.
- My continuous errors are to
under prepare -
seek too much -
be very cheap, yet waste -
stay up late
74- Peace abides with me
75-Today I will listen to myself.
→ On 9/30/99 - I've no record of listening -
8:37 p.m. Home alone. Tubular Bells II on the CD player ... Looking ahead at S2K-
I need the lessons quicker -
I should have started sooner -
- to complete by 12/31/1999 - I'd need to do three lessons per Day - 288 = 3 x 90 = 270 + 18
>My goal every day is to make the Commission look good. >What can we do today to make the Commission look good?
> The people don't want more problems, they want solutions.
If you read through all of that, my apologies. Still, I put all this in to show what kind of mind-unwinding that does take place/ needs to take place. My job situation wasn't very good, so here I'm thinking about speeding up the pace - doing three steps a day. Can't remember if I did, but we will find out in the year.