Greetings All –
Step 221 - I am free to be confused today. Entry for Step 220 - I will use restraint today so that greatness may grow within me.
Greetings All –
DO NOT VIEW YOUR CONFUSION AS A FAILURE. Do not view your confusion as something that endangers you or belittles you. Confusion here is merely a sign that you are realizing the limitations of your own ideas and assumptions. You must give these up to allow Knowledge to become apparent to you, for in the face of all important decisions that require your attention this day, Knowledge has already provided an answer. It is not an answer that you can find amongst the many answers that you provide for yourself or that you assume others provide for you.
THEREFORE, LET ALL SUBSTITUTES FOR KNOWLEDGE fade from you. Allow yourself to be confused, for in your genuine confusion Knowledge may arise naturally. This, then, represents your freedom, for in freedom you are free to be confused.
REMIND YOURSELF OF THIS IDEA upon the hour, and do not be complacent with simple explanations or assumptions about its great meaning for you. You must consider it deeply and realize that the true understanding that it holds for you will be revealed in time. Today allow yourself to be confused, for you are confused, and you must always begin from where you are. Knowledge is with you. You are free to be confused. In your longer practice periods today, enter into stillness whether you are confused or not, for stillness, grace and peace are always available to you.
PRACTICE 221: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.
I have been confused many days. It is good to have this freedom.
The Steps page had this:
I am getting the thoughts, but can I put them into practice?
From the Journal:
6:11 a.m. Monday, February 21, 2000
– someday I will no longer be here in the physical.
7:19 a.m. Cindy came up to hug me, then went up for her shower.
8 a.m. I hugged her back – and began conversation. Unless we are family, we are strangers.
– A Sunday thought en route to Chapel – the Virginia advantage in regions/PDCs is that there is cooperation within regions – now after 30 years. Localities can cooperate within regions – and next door when necessary – one county or multiple PDC's.
What is most important is that you go to the next level a jurisdiction cooperate with at least one other jurisdiction.
PDs are going to be the next level and becoming regional communities.
→ Food, depression, mis-behavior fills up the void between thoughts and actions. Doing nothing is sinful. Filling up do nothing time with food, depression, avoidance, anger – that's where "restraint" needs to be applied. Moving forward through the hopelessness, looking for life.
9:52 a.m. Step 220 – I will use restraint today so that greatness may grow within me. My meditation was one full hour – This is Presidents Day, a holiday, but I'm going to work. ---
I had to reread the Step to see where it was going – to make sure I understood. I need to limit the energy wasters – build my strength.
I do not know yet who or what my spiritual community will be. My work in the world is regional cooperation. That may or may not be my GC work. Insights continue to drip through. GCW is improving my work performance. I do want to balance my four pillars.
The key, powerful thought that hit me in rereading Step 220 is "freedom is found beyond this world and is brought into this world, for freedom is the gift of Knowledge." To me, this is true because it ends the "uncertainty" of life on earth in the physical, or beyond for that matter – since trauma seems to carry on – beyond.
The word "restrain" rather than control is used. If I can just hold back the energy wasters a little, then Knowledge can grow in the clearing and that will lead to more freedom. The totally disciplined types appear very rigid, military, hyper-competitive athletes. It looks like Ahab’s monomania which scares me so –
You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free. The test for truthfulness of anything – is the level of freedom.
Full Steps page:
It really is necessary to work on the strength. In the entry I thought about my spiritual community and work purpose. No conclusions, though I already had some community and some work.You might have been taught never to write in books - I was, but did not apply that to my own books. It is an option, that's the point.
P.S. At Step 221, we are into Part Two of Steps, so if you’ve found this and find some appeal in this or other Steps, you should really go to the beginning blog post. From here you learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense and then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.