Greetings All –
DO NOT VIEW YOUR CONFUSION AS A FAILURE. Do not view
your confusion as something that endangers you or belittles you. Confusion here
is merely a sign that you are realizing the limitations of your own ideas and
assumptions. You must give these up to allow Knowledge to become apparent to
you, for in the face of all important decisions that require your attention
this day, Knowledge has already provided an answer. It is not an answer that
you can find amongst the many answers that you provide for yourself or that you
assume others provide for you.
THEREFORE, LET ALL SUBSTITUTES FOR KNOWLEDGE fade
from you. Allow yourself to be confused, for in your genuine confusion Knowledge
may arise naturally. This, then, represents your freedom, for in freedom you are free to be confused.
REMIND YOURSELF OF THIS IDEA upon the hour, and do
not be complacent with simple explanations or assumptions about its great meaning
for you. You must consider it deeply and realize that the true understanding
that it holds for you will be revealed in time. Today allow yourself to be
confused, for you are confused, and you must always begin from where you are.
Knowledge is with you. You are free to be confused. In your longer practice
periods today, enter into stillness whether you are confused or not, for
stillness, grace and peace are always available to you.
PRACTICE 221: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly
practice.
I have been confused many days. It is good to have
this freedom.
The Steps page had this:
I am getting the thoughts, but can I put them into
practice?
From the Journal:
6:11
a.m. Monday, February 21, 2000
– someday I will no longer be here in the
physical.
7:19
a.m. Cindy came up to hug me, then went up for her shower.
8
a.m. I hugged her back – and began conversation. Unless we are family, we are
strangers.
– A
Sunday thought en route to Chapel – the Virginia advantage in regions/PDCs is
that there is cooperation within regions – now after 30 years. Localities can
cooperate within regions – and next door when necessary – one county or
multiple PDC's.
What
is most important is that you go to the next level a jurisdiction cooperate
with at least one other jurisdiction.
PDs
are going to be the next level and becoming regional communities.
→ Food,
depression, mis-behavior fills up the void between thoughts and actions. Doing
nothing is sinful. Filling up do nothing time with food, depression, avoidance,
anger – that's where "restraint" needs to be applied. Moving forward
through the hopelessness, looking for life.
9:52
a.m. Step 220 – I will use restraint today so that greatness may grow within
me. My meditation was one full hour – This is Presidents Day, a holiday, but
I'm going to work. ---
I had to reread the Step to see where it was
going – to make sure I understood. I need to limit the energy wasters – build
my strength.
I do
not know yet who or what my spiritual community will be. My work in the world
is regional cooperation. That may or may not be my GC work. Insights continue
to drip through. GCW is improving my work performance. I do want to balance my
four pillars.
The
key, powerful thought that hit me in rereading Step 220 is "freedom is
found beyond this world and is brought into this world, for freedom is the gift
of Knowledge." To me, this is true because it ends the
"uncertainty" of life on earth in the physical, or beyond for that
matter – since trauma seems to carry on – beyond.
The
word "restrain" rather than control is used. If I can just hold back
the energy wasters a little, then Knowledge can grow in the clearing and that
will lead to more freedom. The totally disciplined types appear very rigid,
military, hyper-competitive athletes. It looks like Ahab’s monomania which scares me
so –
You
shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free. The test for
truthfulness of anything – is the level of freedom.
Full Steps page:
It really is necessary to work on the strength. In
the entry I thought about my spiritual community and work purpose. No
conclusions, though I already had some community and some work.You might have been taught never to write in books - I was, but did not apply that to my own books. It is an option, that's the point.
NNC
P.S. At Step 221, we are into Part Two of Steps, so
if you’ve found this and find some appeal in this or other Steps, you should
really go to the beginning blog post. From here you learn about Steps to Knowledge and
can begin it on the day that makes sense and then progress as needed. You can
use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in
order in the archives - one per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps
once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference
how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide
a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One
may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps
students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as
a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well
through the Free School of the New Message.
