Step 94 - My freedom is to find my purpose. Entry for Step 93 - I am sent here for a purpose.

Greetings All –

WHAT VALUE CAN FREEDOM POSSIBLY HAVE except to enable you to find your purpose and to fulfill it? Without  purpose, freedom is merely the right to be chaotic, the right to live without external restraint. But without external restraint, you will merely act out the harshness of your internal restraint. Is this an improvement? Overall it is not an improvement, though it can lead to opportunities for self-discovery.

DO NOT CALL CHAOS FREEDOM, for this is not freedom. Do not think that because others do not limit you that you are in an exalted state. Realize that your freedom is to enable you to find your purpose and to fulfill it. Understanding freedom in this way will enable you to utilize all aspects of your life—your current situation, your relationships, your involvements, your successes, your errors, your attributes and your limitations—everything on behalf of discovering your purpose. For when a greater purpose begins to express itself through you in a manner that you can recognize and accept, you will feel at last that your life is being completely integrated. You will no longer be separate individuals within yourself, but one person, whole and unified, with all aspects of yourself engaged in serving this one purpose.

THE FREEDOM TO COMMIT ERRORS WILL NOT REDEEM YOU. Errors can be committed under any circumstances, and freedom can be found under any circumstances. Therefore, seek to learn about freedom. Knowledge will express itself when it is unfettered and when you as a person have developed sufficiently to be able to carry its great mission in the world. Your Spiritual Teachers, who abide with you beyond your visual sight, are here to initiate you into Knowledge. They have their own method for doing this, for they understand the true meaning of freedom and its true purpose in the world.

THEREFORE, IN YOUR PRACTICE PERIODS we once again affirm the power of this statement and give you two opportunities to experience it deeply within yourself. You do not need to try to speculate about this mentally, but simply relax so that it can be experienced.  Focus your mind completely to allow it to experience the greatness of the presence of God that is with you and that is within you, for this is looking in the direction of freedom where freedom truly exists.

PRACTICE 94: Two 30-minute practice periods. 

Much to think about in this Step. On the notion of restraint as a criterion of freedom, the Rolling Stones song "Sympathy For The Devil" comes to mind for me because of this stanza -

"Just call me Lucifer
Cause I'm in need of some restraint
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse…”

Restraint is something we will learn to understand. 

From the Journal:

October 18, 1999

5:30 p.m. Home to meditate – then return to work to complete time sheets. “I am sent here for a purpose.” Sensed the “stillness” right – here. I would be happy to find my purpose 2012 timing suggests many years. What will the days be? I do not know!

8:17 p.m. Where am I? I ought to be able to enter four time sheets of data in 90 minutes. I am in anticipation of my purpose emerging more directly.

Relationships on relationships. Divide and conquer, divide and manage. All I want to do is keep the PDC alive so it can be passed to someone. If things will need to get worse for cooperation to increase – what will that mean for us?

I have no choice but to hang on.

What role might you or I play in the world? That is a challenge to the mind. Is the work we are now doing part of that or not? How will we know? If you’ve worked much, you all jobs have their boring, mundane and crazy elements. The journal is a good place to work it out, though much of it will sound distinctly unspiritual.