Step 97 - I do not know what fulfillment is. Entry for Step 96 - God's Will is for me to be unburdened.
Greetings All –
IS THIS STATEMENT AN ADMISSION OF WEAKNESS? Is it a resignation to hopelessness? No, it is not. It is the beginning of true honesty. When you realize how little you understand and yet realize at the same time the great offer of Knowledge that is available to you, only then will you seize upon this opportunity with great encouragement and dedication. You can only imagine fulfillment, but within you the Knowledge of fulfillment lives and burns. This is a fire that you cannot put out. This is a fire that exists within you now. This represents your greater yearning for fulfillment, for union and for contribution. Far beneath all of your hopes and fears, beneath your plans and ambitions, this fire is burning now. Relinquish, then, your ideas concerning fulfillment, but do not be hopeless, for you are placing yourself in a position to receive the gifts that are intended for you. You have brought these gifts with you into the world. They are hidden within you where you cannot find them.
YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT FULFILLMENT IS. Happy stimulation alone cannot be fulfillment, for fulfillment is a state of quietude. It is a state of inner acceptance. It is a state of total integration. It is a timeless state expressing itself in time. How can even the happiest stimulation give you that which can abide in any circumstance and which does not cease when the stimulation is over? We do not wish to deprive you of happy stimulations, for they can be very good, but they are momentary and can only give you a glimpse of the greater possibility. Here we wish to take you directly to the greater possibility by cultivating the great resources within your mind and by teaching you a way of seeing the world so that you may learn of its true purpose.
THEREFORE, UPON THE HOUR TODAY, repeat today’s idea and consider it seriously in view of yourself and the world around you. Today, in your two long practice periods, once again spend time seriously considering this idea. Remember to think of your own life in these practice periods and apply today’s idea to the plans that you are aware of concerning your own fulfillment. These thinking meditations require mental work. Here you will not be still. You will be investigating. You will be exploring. You will be actively using your mind to penetrate things that you recognize exist there. This is a time for serious introspection. When you realize that what you thought you knew is only a form of imagination, then you will realize your great need for Knowledge.
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU HAVE in order to learn to receive more. If you think you have more than you actually have, then you are impoverished without even being aware of it and will not understand the Great Plan that has been created on your behalf. You must start from where you are, for in this way you may proceed, each step certain, each step forward, built upon the step before. There will be no falling back here, for you will be firmly established on your path to Knowledge.
PRACTICE 97: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.
Many subtle ideas in this Step. Take your time. On cannot get everything in the first passage through Steps practice.
From the Journal:
October 20, 1999
8:35 A.M. God’s will is for me to be unburdened. – Where are my burdens now? What unnecessary responsibilities have I taken on that make me feel weak and tired. I’ve too many interests? I’m unfocused in pursuit of them. I tell people they’re good when they’re not – it didn’t motivate them. I feel too responsible for things. I want the world to be better, but it has been hard to find peer relationships. I’ve sought to accept that – but I do get attacked. Mostly by … - also by my staff and bosses. Expectations are very high it seems to me.
The unburdening I’ve experienced has been through trusting God/Spirit – and seeing in my life and others – good coming from bad. Worry is a burden – sometimes seconds take years. There is trauma – and it is painful.
11:28 p.m. – Unburdened II – This has been a strange day – Good water meeting – couldn’t do much else – I took a walk at 9 p.m. just for air. Talked to David when I got back – he’s very stressed as the family caregiver.
How could I be unburdened.? No relationships – all burdens come from relationships. I can expect less, expect nothing – do nothing.
Everybody wants more – that is this planet. If in the greater reality there is contact with greater community civilizations – then the focus should be on institutions, mechanisms for the management of humanity – earth biology.
T3M – talks about taking human biology to the stars.
If I did my job in only 7.5 hours per day – I’d have time to write. It is, though, by doing the work I learn what the need is.
My goals, ambitions are too high? S2K asks?
As a contemplation exercise, it does help to write out your contemplations. This is helpful for reviews and self-understanding. That is where we are headed.
The Book has lots of green ink. It is helpful to outline the points for emphasis and learning.