Step 177 - I will learn to be honest today. Entry for Step 176 - I will follow Knowledge today.

Greetings All – 

Step 177 - I will learn to be honest today.

THERE IS A GREATER HONESTY THAT IS WAITING for you to discover. There is a greater honesty that you must utilize on your own behalf. It is not enough merely to know how you feel. It is a greater requirement to feel what you know. This is a greater honesty and an honesty that is in harmony with life itself, an honesty that reflects the true advancement of all beings in the world. This is not merely expressing and demanding that your personal intent be carried out. It is demanding instead that the necessity of life within you may express itself in a way that is genuine to life itself. The form and the manner of this expression will be contained in the messages that you will need to deliver to others when the time comes for that to happen.

LEARN, THEN, TO FEEL WHAT YOU KNOW. This is a  greater honesty. It requires both openness and restraint. It requires self-inspection. It requires objectivity about your life. It requires stillness and peace as well as the ability to engage your mind actively in exploration. Thus, all that you have learned so far is contributed and utilized in today’s practice.

REMIND YOURSELF UPON THE HOUR OF TODAY’S PRACTICE and seriously consider it in the moment in which you find yourself. In the longer practices today, again enter stillness and engage your mind in this meaningful activity. The mind must be brought into the proximity of its Ancient Home for it to find comfort and peace. This requires self-discipline at the outset, but once the engagement is made, the process happens in and of itself naturally.

LEARN TO BECOME MORE HONEST TODAY. Learn to discern a greater level of honesty, a genuine level of honesty that affirms your very nature and does not betray your highest purpose.

PRACTICE 177: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.

From the Journal:

Heads-up – on this day I had a full pen, lots of time, and used it to explore my own life and record it to my journal. This entry is quite long. The purpose of referring to my journal is to enable Students to have a comparison, a benchmark, an example of journaling. This entry considers some sensitive and personal perspectives which may have no application or relevance to the reader’s life. In this case, consider it a range of things that might be recorded in one’s journal – never to be read by others. Yes, there were/are things I won’t  put in the journal – or may skip over with a …, but this is just an effort to have you recognize there is freedom to record your thoughts because, people mostly don’t care. If you are discrete, no one will find your journals and read them out loud to your embarrassment. So – here goes.

7:54 AM Sunday, January 9, 2000

Where am I? This is a good question. I sit in my new corner of the world – between the computer and the stone wall. I remain, to the best of my understanding, in the common dimension on earth – that is common for humans. It is called 3–D + time.

I am a very fortunate being. I have the luxury of this quiet time on a Sunday morning. I'm moving forward-the middle of my life, extending the time frame for my participation here.

I've come to take less responsibility for the earth and more for myself. At least that seems to be the direction. From my early youth on, the world looked like it needed fixing. That started at home just with the relationship of my parents. My mother was very unhappy about her relationship to the world – our low income – which was the responsibility of my father. He could do nothing right at home, yet at work he was respected, but not paid well.

Life did not go smoothly. I loved church [Lutheran] and Bible study, but was confused by the different perspectives of my mostly Catholic friends.

I related well to teachers, but was smaller and weak among the boys of the ‘hood.

I've enjoyed teachers all my life, but had often been overwhelmed by my assumed responsibilities. I chose planning as a profession to help fix the world. A better perspective now is that of advancing the world. Actually, the world is doing that on its own. I am falling behind it seems some time.

Where I fit has always been problematic. I was angry about the dysfunction in my family, but have come to learn everyone was doing the best they could. I've been quite fortunate – sincerely blessed which leads to guilt – why do I have so much – but then it's not money, so of necessity I must work on that.

Fear has been a big factor in my life. It is in most people's life. I saw it in my mother, but not in my father. He tried to deal with her fear – and let me mediate between them.

ACIM helped me deal with the fear as well as my ACOA work at Caron. Saving the world is a weak position it seems now. One should advance the world.

The only problem is knowing in which direction to go. Advancing organizational cooperation, as an antidote to fragmentation and separation seems to cover my found work. It may come from those early experiences. Blessed are the peacemakers seems to attract, but I do not have peace in all my relationships.

People often thrive on conflict and create some where there is none, just for the adrenalin.

After 53 years of movement on and about the planet, I have thus far developed skills to keep my body alive and relatively healthy, keep my heart, mind and spirit open, and contribute here and there to my fellow souls. This ability has come from intuition, guidance and a more or less willing soul.

The nature of economic and political life varies between cultures and regions on the planet. The cultural overlays on the physical reality give thy diversity and provide for continuation of physical beings.

Conflict and war have made an ugly history in terms of life for humans.

Life is preserved and moving. We have a planetary perspective that is growing. That framework is important to me. As I grew up in the 1950s – and 1960s – there was a two way economic war to dominate the planet – U. S. democratic capitalism and totalitarian communism. The middle ground was democratic socialism w/o the market force. The greater issues have been economic relationships, the need/greed for stuff. This is better than fighting wars.

Technology, specifically computer technology which digitized the content of communication, has been a response to growing population which has tremendously increased the number of transactions on the planet and dust come to demand more and better communications.

Good communication is what allowed families/tribes to survive/assimilate when needed – and prosper, building two nations. Religion is a key aspect of any culture. It's view and relationship to the creative force of the universe and the spirit world which supports the development of life. The other religion – science, which takes apart and seeks to understand the physical is a great force as well for change. We have been, I have been, in interesting times all my life. When young – the pace of change was slower. That benefited me/and my peers.

Order and change, sustainability and the creation of value – all challenges in this environment. GCW says get ready – we'll be joining the galactic folks and we'll be very surprised.

This is not illogical to me – nor is it illogical that the manifest reality that I/we experience is the out playing of creation.

The rules of creation, its truth – its knowledge can be unchanging – while the maid – up manifestation is design/build/sustain

 or there are two loops.

Still point in center is connected to/is the spiritual context both in and out.

The whole earth is a single local planet in the solar system and galaxy and this sector of the universe, wherever that might be.

Its peoples and cultures have been localized and ethnocentric for the most part. The locals of economic necessity must be regional in order to be seen and be sustainable.

It has been rare for the earth's peoples and governments to act as one. The Y2K need to correct a design limitation in the original software genetics of this industry compelled redesign.

The year date field gene has been expanded to four cells. That gives the computer DNA 7999 more years of room until Y10K in which case – what? Should the year date field go to five characters now to extend the DNA to 99999 – 97999 more years?

Maybe we need a trip odometer installed to track time independently of the big odometer. Might that be more efficient?

Is it more important that computer DNA be an open system? Like the Linux model, instead of owned by proprietary economic cultures.

In my mapping/recognition of regions – I see that time zones are powerful regions… And that further, the biological/cultural systems that supported creation of the technology that then threatened them are easily capable of beating/fixing the flaws. Knowledge is at work as a powerful wave within society and that force under girds the sustainable creation.

Going back to my diagram of context – the spiritual context is the stillness which permeates all manifest contexts.

By recognizing this ultimate relationship – I can be in the world, yet not of the world – believing that it is reversed. I am a spirit in body and it is time for the manifest.

Is advancement the goal in manifestation, or simply experience? Since all experience can't be had at once – and the possibilities for variation are endless – souls can do this/or do nothing. I need do nothing, yet I've sought manifestation – and in doing so have a purpose. I accept this – having no real choice I suppose, and seek to know what I've come to contribute.

I imagine – bringing the spirit connection from stillness in to balance and dynamic piece could be useful – and I hear "yes."

So, this is where I am today @9:35 A.M. On with S2K. As I left the woods last night I was accompanied by golden light at many points along the path. Su-Ne has also become a truth point.

12:56 p.m. What would Knowledge have me do today? In this time of quiet and peace map the structure that will return meaning, purpose, direction do it right here.

What is the meaning of the PDC [Planning District Commission]? Its creation meant that leaders recognize the need for a structure which grouped local governments and to districts as a means to overcome the separation created when they chartered. Its creation was voluntary not mandatory. It was a structure to help deal with change. It was by design, intended to be used for administration in government. It was an aide to see larger.

Purpose flows from the meaning which is dynamic. It was meant to support cooperation, but a single region can be no more effective than a single locality if it does not look both outwardly and inwardly.

Direction. There has been a shift in the direction toward being a resource on greater issues, the facilitator of access to the state and the development of issues.

I am the representative, primary balancer of the dynamic direction of the commission work. I respond to issues and draw the resources I can. It is my personal relationships which are key to my survival, I progress. Every relationship I have is based on listening first. In order to help or be help in finding the direction of need, the trend.

My life now is not what I would have had it be, it the communicator role I envisioned to help/rescue/save the world – is just different – not a filmmaker, documentary or entertainment loaded with a heavy, heavy message – but a hub who can facilitate the bringing together of groups for the advancement of the world.

That is PDC/regions work – but what is my personal meaning, direction, purpose?

My meaning as a human is based on family relationships at this place and time. I am son, father, husband, uncle, cousin – grandfather – most of all. Children and the responsibility they bring changes lives. An imperfect children/imperfect parents/imperfect lives. There are disappointments. Perpetuation of the family and the race, event or not, becomes necessary. This I see looking back. I did not understand family until later in life.

3:15 PM. Following knowledge? About 1:30 P.M. I made some lunch and coffee. I turned on TV to see what was on. I saw a man of knowledge – James McBride who was being interviewed about his book "The Color of Water." It was about his family life in New York City – children of an interracial couple. His father black, his mother white/Jewish. Apparently his father/and stepfather died – she was a single mother. He told his story – and came to resolve issues he had – focusing on the problem of growing up poor.

I continued sampling the TV – fair on Sunday afternoon. The other thing that caught my eye was MTV – where they are teaching music – guitar and piano and dance.

The last hook was a Compaq PC commercial. The units get better and cheaper, though I want a Dell. I do not have the time to use what I have – it needs to be simplified.

Will techno optimism end in the US? Will it spread? What of the poor? How can they be reached? I had an idea today for give.org – a system to simply give things away – get it out of my garage/basement.

It might be need – give, where people list what they want – and what they need. Keep the stopped moving. Avoid the landfill – a regional communication service.

Waste not/want not.

5:30 PM. At the office. I walked as directed. I'm angry. I guess I'm having to give up my fantasy – that cooperation changes minds and creates value. The necessity is what did I get for the money? The universe is a bean counter.

I do not know where things went wrong. People grew – they left – keeping success sores trained became difficult – then came double cross. Too many assumptions. Too much trust. Too much vision – too few resources. I got smacked – smacked hard.

7:15 in nearly 2 hours here I've only accomplished airline ticket research. I've also added new calendar pages. Not much – I'm trying to print out the eyes see and a fund info I'll probably not use. Rage popped out at 6:55 – deep, painful screams to no one. Time is being wasted. There is nothing here and nothing at home.

I need real help – even just to move my own ass. High to low that is what it has always been.

8:05 PM. I cannot follow anything. I cannot tell personal from real. I am lost. I cannot lead. I must go home.

9:40 5 PM. Just now getting ready to leave. I've accomplished some work. The desk is clearer – I am back to my old workaholic self – is that S2K? I did necessary things. I did work. I don't know if I was following Knowledge. In the past when I carried the load it seems all I did was carry others too. That made me angry – that no one could see. This was the paradox – that the most flexible person must be the leader. Prima donna talents don't look that way. They are demanding and people respond. I am demanding and people slough off – I don't get it. May be I never will.

I do not know why I work this way. It might be knowledge or insanity.

10:15 p.m. My long practice leads to a Holy Instant – here at the office – in the chair I sit in daily. The purpose, meaning and direction here is sacred. I have followed knowledge here. I am at peace. I've blessed all my relationships and now head home warmly.

Amen & Amen
Thomas Joseph Christoffel
T-om Su-ne
Blessed son of the creator
– in whose service I am.

1:02 AM. Monday, January 10. Space from a high at work – I come home – eat – wind down – two hours – one surfing – someday I might stay in Knowledge. I must continue to practice.