Greetings All –
Step 311 - The world is calling me. I must prepare to serve it. Entry for Step 310 - I am free because I desire to give.
Greetings All –
YOU HAVE COME TO SERVE THE WORLD, yet you must prepare to serve it. You cannot prepare yourself, for you do not know what you are preparing for, and you do not know the methods of preparation, for these must be given to you. But you do know that you must prepare, and you do know that you must follow the steps of preparation, for this is in your Knowledge already.
YOU HAVE COME TO SERVE THE WORLD. If this is denied or neglected, you will fall into disarray within yourself. If your purpose is not being served and furthered, you will feel alienated from yourself, and you will fall into the darkness of your own imagination. You will condemn yourself and believe that God condemns you as well. God does not condemn you. God calls you to recognize your purpose and fulfill it.
LET NOT AMBITION TAKE YOU INTO THE WORLD PREMATURELY. Remember you are a student of Knowledge. You follow Knowledge in the world because you are preparing to be a vehicle for its contribution and a recipient of its gifts. This will require restraint on your part. This will require adherence to a greater preparation. A student need only follow the guidance of the instruction. A student need only trust in the power of the instructor. Your Knowledge will confirm this and will dispel your uncertainty here, for your Knowledge is returning to its Home and to its Source. It is returning to that to which it must return. It is responding to that which it must fulfill in the world.
DO NOT HATE THE WORLD OR RESIST IT, for it is the place where you will fulfill your destiny. Thus, it deserves your gratitude and appreciation. Yet, also remember to respect the power of its confusion and its inducements. Here you must be strong with Knowledge, and though you appreciate the world for strengthening your resolution for Knowledge, you also take note of the world’s confusion and enter into the world carefully, with discernment and adherence to Knowledge. All of these are important, and we will remind you of them as we proceed, for they are essential for you to learn Wisdom as a student. It is both your desire for Knowledge and your capacity for Knowledge that we must cultivate and that you must learn to receive.
PRACTICE 311: Read the lesson three times today.
First reaction, written in the margin: “I have true gifts?”
Later: “These lessons require time –it can’t come all at once.”
The journal is again long. “The desire to give,” gets a detailed analysis. Looking ahead at the journal, as the Steps get deeper, more contemplation is recorded. The quality varies, so the fact that I include things is not because they are wise, truthful or important, but only to show the process – so people are willing to do the same for their own learning.
7:05 a.m. Monday, May 22, 2000
Up at 6 – mental radio playing "I Feel Good" – James Brown
→ Making the region work – for whom should it work? Can it work? 3rd Sector – Jeremy Rifkin – the real tribe. From leadership to governance – the tribe moves as it gets larger, relates to other tribes.
– Front Royal is my community – it could be the model for regions work.
12:07 p.m. At the Hotel Roanoke. The conference (TDM) [Transportation Demand Management] begins @ 1 p.m. Amazingly I'm here early and rested. The drive down was scenic and inspiring. In thinking about future locations I'm considering Front Royal (funeral dream suggests here) [a friend told me in the 80s that she'd had a dream of a long funeral procession for me in Front Royal - I laughed, what might I have done to be given such an honor?] Boulder – Denver or Plano – Dallas. If the focus is Regions Work – Virginia is the right place because that's where the PDC network is – that can be made visible to the civic side. Government will be paralyzed. Citizens must act regionally in order to sustain their communities. Governments are limited – citizens are not.
12:24 p.m. Called David –
310 Practice #1 I am free because I desire to give. It is active today in order to "Strengthen my studenthood and advocacy for Knowledge so I may further ambivalence."
I do desire to give. ACIM says we must have in order to give. What I have – my gift(s) is what I've been working on. The text says: "Do not be discouraged that the world does not hold your values and do not be dismayed that the world does not share your commitment…." I've been discouraged that the world doesn't see what I see.
Working the NSV has been a good choice – a good lab – to see what change does. This has been my earth duty in learning.
I like the text reference to being "…part of a great learning community." That's the goal I had in the LO list, but people didn't get it.
S2K is really a huge challenge. That I have spiritual family support is good, though it isn't… space out…. [went into stillness or otherwise left my mind – don’t know what I intended to write]
Following the "Great Learning Community"point the text says, like ACIM – "What you are learning now all of the world must learn eventually, for all must reclaim Knowledge. This is God's will. We are now attempting to minimize the amount of time it will take in the difficulty that will be encountered."
– As I (a student) gets the lesson "…you will increasingly become a force for good in the world – a force that dispels ambivalence, confusion and conflict; a force for peace [Dynamic] a force for certainty and a force for true cooperation and relationship [REGIONAL/LOCAL PLANET].
8:05 p.m. Practice #2 "I am free because I desire to give." Is the reverse true? I am imprisoned because I have no desire to give?
In the stillness of this Hotel Roanoke room – looking out the window westerly to the still Blue Ridge Mountains – still buildings, landscapes – cars & trucks the primary moving things. Though looking still, I know vibration underlies all matter – but stillness is the vision.
Dispelling ambivalence – what would such a world be like – no ambivalence.
→ People know exactly what to do? They already act that way. How would the results be any different?
What is it I desire to give? The answer to prosperous living? (What is this? – Do I have the answer? – No)
9:19 p.m. After a short walk to downtown Roanoke – observing – buying nothing – a nice clean downtown – few people – only restaurants open. Bookstore closed.
What is it I desire to give? What do I have to give? My love – which is incomplete and imperfect? My acceptance? My work – that seems to have been betrayed – was I arrogant in my giving? Resentful for lack of recognition? – Yes – got there. Expecting success and honor – and wealth enough somehow? Yes – knowing ACIM – I still got caught up in an illusion –
Relationships – very challenged by patterns set in the family and ultimately unable to be free of them.
Was it guilt that motivated me? I felt the world could be better and tried to find a vocation that would lead to its improvement, through systems as my skills sorted out.
Error, Error, Error, – slow learning – perceived as arrogant – Know it all - ENTJ Myers-Briggs.
Working from a powerless position – the Hub – with people who liked power – felt they knew how the world should go.
Meanwhile – the whole planet changed as population grew 2.5 Billion 1950 – 6 Billion 1999 – What pressure – and what a push for tech systems to deal.
As a bystander – remote viewer – What do I have to give but my vision, my extrapolation of the trends by intuition. ---
What do I desire to give? Do I have anything of value?
I'm not a fighter – I'm not a schemer – though I seek to be strategic – to align like/similar thoughts. Thus a grid which connects.
I envision the district strategic plan – the alignment of a multiplicity of plans – for a matrix.
What is it I desire to give?
I desire to give love and inspiration. I've done that to some degree for David & Sarah – and that is what I have needed. So – is that the answer? I desire to give that which I need in order to balance my soul in fulfill my life.
When I'm giving what I need to others, I fulfill my self needs?
It wouldn't work with the money.
Is it the "desire" more than the "give." "I am free because I desire to give."
I was unfree/captive. In order to be free I learned to develop the "desire to give." I don't actually have to give, just desire it. I desire many things – in the physical. They all lead to or require very costly/energy hungry relationships – cars, houses, women, experience.
I am free because I desire to give… That which frees souls – "Knowledge." This is a more complete thought, except I don't yet have "Knowledge" in full force – am only a student – but if I'm not confused, ambivalent, distracted it (I'm told in S2K) will be experienced.
How do I carry that into the world – in order to deal with the manifest and the greater role of humanity to take its biology to the worlds beyond earth. (T3M)
There I've limited my own bloodline – failing to reproduce. I could have done a sperm bank – but that idea came too late. Another error? Another regret.
Are those with no desire to give not free? Most people give to some one else – as they learn – (if so treated) in childhood. For many it is selective and for-profit – power – advantage – for themselves or heirs.
So what does it mean? "I am free because I desire to give." Is this an affirmation of a truth which I only hold partially – which I am learning to hold fully?
> contribution of true gifts ='s will freedom.?
As I said, this was long; a wrestling with the ideas of the Step. You are probably doing the same, but in response to other phrases, other elements. It is work. As I wrote in the margin of the Step: “These lessons require time –it can’t come all at once.” So, let us continue. We’ll be done soon, so we can begin again, going for the depth.
P.S. At Step 311, we are two months from the end – Step 365. If you’ve found this and find some appeal in this or other Steps, you should really go to the beginning blog post. From here you learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense and then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.