Greetings All –
YOU HAVE COME TO SERVE THE WORLD, yet you must
prepare to serve it. You cannot prepare yourself, for you do not know what you
are preparing for, and you do not know the methods of preparation, for these
must be given to you. But you do know that you must prepare, and you do know
that you must follow the steps of preparation, for this is in your Knowledge
already.
YOU HAVE COME TO SERVE THE WORLD. If this is denied
or neglected, you will fall into disarray within yourself. If your purpose is not
being served and furthered, you will feel alienated from yourself, and you will
fall into the darkness of your own imagination. You will condemn yourself and
believe that God condemns you as well. God does not condemn you. God calls you
to recognize your purpose and fulfill it.
LET NOT AMBITION TAKE YOU INTO THE WORLD
PREMATURELY. Remember you are a student of Knowledge. You follow Knowledge in the
world because you are preparing to be a vehicle for its contribution and a
recipient of its gifts. This will require restraint on your part. This will
require adherence to a greater preparation. A student need only follow the
guidance of the instruction. A student need only trust in the power of the
instructor. Your Knowledge will confirm this and will dispel your uncertainty
here, for your Knowledge is returning to its Home and to its Source. It is
returning to that to which it must return. It is responding to that which it
must fulfill in the world.
DO NOT HATE THE WORLD OR RESIST IT, for it is the
place where you will fulfill your destiny. Thus, it deserves your gratitude and
appreciation. Yet, also remember to respect the power of its confusion and its
inducements. Here you must be strong with Knowledge, and though you appreciate
the world for strengthening your resolution for Knowledge, you also take note
of the world’s confusion and enter into the world carefully, with discernment
and adherence to Knowledge. All of these are important, and we will remind you
of them as we proceed, for they are essential for you to learn Wisdom as a
student. It is both your desire for Knowledge and your capacity for Knowledge that
we must cultivate and that you must learn to receive.
PRACTICE 311: Read the lesson three times today.
First reaction, written in the margin: “I have true
gifts?”
Later: “These lessons require time –it can’t come all at
once.”
The journal is again long. “The desire to give,” gets a detailed analysis. Looking ahead at the journal, as the Steps
get deeper, more contemplation is recorded. The quality varies, so the fact
that I include things is not because they are wise, truthful or important, but
only to show the process – so people are willing to do the same for their own
learning.
7:05
a.m. Monday, May 22, 2000
Up
at 6 – mental radio playing "I Feel Good" – James Brown
→ Making the
region work – for whom should it work? Can it work? 3rd Sector – Jeremy Rifkin
– the real tribe. From leadership to governance – the tribe moves as it gets
larger, relates to other tribes.
–
Front Royal is my community – it could be the model for regions work.
12:07
p.m. At the Hotel Roanoke. The conference (TDM) [Transportation Demand
Management] begins @ 1 p.m. Amazingly I'm here early and rested. The drive down
was scenic and inspiring. In thinking about future locations I'm considering
Front Royal (funeral dream suggests here) [a friend told me in the 80s that
she'd had a dream of a long funeral procession for me in Front Royal - I
laughed, what might I have done to be given such an honor?] Boulder – Denver or
Plano – Dallas. If the focus is Regions Work – Virginia is the right place
because that's where the PDC network is – that can be made visible to the civic
side. Government will be paralyzed. Citizens must act regionally in order to
sustain their communities. Governments are limited – citizens are not.
12:24
p.m. Called David –
310
Practice #1 I am free because I desire to give. It is active today in order to
"Strengthen my studenthood and advocacy for Knowledge so I may
further ambivalence."
I do
desire to give. ACIM says we must have in order to give. What I have – my
gift(s) is what I've been working on. The text says: "Do not be
discouraged that the world does not hold your values and do not be dismayed
that the world does not share your commitment…." I've been discouraged
that the world doesn't see what I see.
Working
the NSV has been a good choice – a good lab – to see what change does. This has
been my earth duty in learning.
I
like the text reference to being "…part of a great learning
community." That's the goal I had in the LO list, but people didn't get
it.
---
S2K
is really a huge challenge. That I have spiritual family support is good,
though it isn't… space out…. [went into stillness or otherwise left my
mind – don’t know what I intended to write]
Following
the "Great Learning Community"point the text says, like ACIM –
"What you are learning now all of the world must learn eventually, for all
must reclaim Knowledge. This is God's will. We are now attempting to
minimize the amount of time it will take in the difficulty that will be
encountered."
– As
I (a student) gets the lesson "…you will increasingly become a force for
good in the world – a force that dispels ambivalence, confusion and conflict; a
force for peace [Dynamic] a force for certainty and a force for true
cooperation and relationship [REGIONAL/LOCAL PLANET].
---
8:05
p.m. Practice #2 "I am free because I desire to give." Is the reverse
true? I am imprisoned because I have no desire to give?
In
the stillness of this Hotel Roanoke room – looking out the window westerly to
the still Blue Ridge Mountains – still buildings, landscapes – cars &
trucks the primary moving things. Though looking still, I know vibration
underlies all matter – but stillness is the vision.
Dispelling
ambivalence – what would such a world be like – no ambivalence.
→ People know
exactly what to do? They already act that way. How would the results be
any different?
What
is it I desire to give? The answer to prosperous living? (What is this? – Do I
have the answer? – No)
9:19
p.m. After a short walk to downtown Roanoke – observing – buying nothing – a
nice clean downtown – few people – only restaurants open. Bookstore closed.
What
is it I desire to give? What do I have to give? My love – which is incomplete
and imperfect? My acceptance? My work – that seems to have been betrayed – was
I arrogant in my giving? Resentful for lack of recognition? – Yes – got there.
Expecting success and honor – and wealth enough somehow? Yes – knowing ACIM – I
still got caught up in an illusion –
Relationships
– very challenged by patterns set in the family and ultimately unable to be
free of them.
Was
it guilt that motivated me? I felt the world could be better and tried to find
a vocation that would lead to its improvement, through systems as my skills
sorted out.
Error,
Error, Error, – slow learning – perceived as arrogant – Know it all - ENTJ
Myers-Briggs.
Working
from a powerless position – the Hub – with people who liked power – felt they
knew how the world should go.
Meanwhile
– the whole planet changed as population grew 2.5 Billion 1950 – 6 Billion 1999
– What pressure – and what a push for tech systems to deal.
As a
bystander – remote viewer – What do I have to give but my vision, my
extrapolation of the trends by intuition. ---
What
do I desire to give? Do I have anything of value?
I'm
not a fighter – I'm not a schemer – though I seek to be strategic – to align
like/similar thoughts. Thus a grid which connects.
I
envision the district strategic plan – the alignment of a multiplicity of plans
– for a matrix.
What
is it I desire to give?
I
desire to give love and inspiration. I've done that to some degree for David
& Sarah – and that is what I have needed. So – is that the answer? I desire
to give that which I need in order to balance my soul in fulfill my life.
When
I'm giving what I need to others, I fulfill my self needs?
It
wouldn't work with the money.
Is
it the "desire" more than the "give." "I am free
because I desire to give."
I
was unfree/captive. In order to be free I learned to develop the "desire
to give." I don't actually have to give, just desire it. I desire many
things – in the physical. They all lead to or require very costly/energy hungry
relationships – cars, houses, women, experience.
I am
free because I desire to give… That which frees souls – "Knowledge."
This is a more complete thought, except I don't yet have "Knowledge"
in full force – am only a student – but if I'm not confused, ambivalent,
distracted it (I'm told in S2K) will be experienced.
How
do I carry that into the world – in order to deal with the manifest and the
greater role of humanity to take its biology to the worlds beyond earth. (T3M)
There
I've limited my own bloodline – failing to reproduce. I could have done a sperm
bank – but that idea came too late. Another error? Another regret.
Are
those with no desire to give not free? Most people give to some one else – as
they learn – (if so treated) in childhood. For many it is selective and
for-profit – power – advantage – for themselves or heirs.
So
what does it mean? "I am free because I desire to give." Is this an
affirmation of a truth which I only hold partially – which I am learning to
hold fully?
>
contribution of true gifts ='s will freedom.?
As I said, this was long; a wrestling with the
ideas of the Step. You are probably doing the same, but in response to other
phrases, other elements. It is work. As I wrote in the margin of the Step: “These lessons
require time –it can’t come all at once.” So, let us continue. We’ll be done soon, so we can begin again, going
for the depth.
NNC
P.S. At Step 311, we are two months from the end –
Step 365. If you’ve found this and find some appeal in this or other Steps, you
should really go to the beginning blog post. From here you learn about Steps to Knowledge and
can begin it on the day that makes sense and then progress as needed. You can
use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in
order in the archives - one per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps
once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference
how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide
a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One
may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps
students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as
a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well
through the Free School of the New Message.
