Step 317 - I need but relinquish my ambivalence to know the truth. Entry for Step 316 - I will trust my deepest inclinations today.
Greetings All –
HOW SIMPLE IT IS TO KNOW THE TRUTH when the truth is truly desired. How easy it is to recognize ambivalence and to see its devastating impact upon your life. How simple it is to see the evidence of ambivalence in the world around you and how it undermines the deeper inclinations of all who dwell here. Seek, then, escape from ambivalence, for this is confusion. Seek, then, escape from the burden of constant decision making and choice, for this is a burden.
THE MAN AND WOMAN OF KNOWLEDGE need not burden themselves with constant deliberation of what they must do, how they must be, who they are and where they are going in life, for these things become known as each step is anticipated and taken. Thus, the great weight that you carry in the world is released from your shoulders. Thus, you begin to trust yourself and the world. Here peace is possible and assured even for those who are active in the world, for they carry stillness and openness within them. They are unburdened now and are in a position to truly contribute.
REMIND YOURSELF OF YOUR LESSON UPON THE HOUR and as you look upon the world, see the effect and influence of ambivalence. Recognize how disabling it is and how it emanates from and supports confusion. It is the result of attempting to value the meaningless and to ignore the meaningful. Here things of no value compete with things of true value in the estimation of those who perceive them. Recognize this as you look upon the world. Let not an hour pass today without practice, for in this way this day will teach you the importance of Knowledge. It will teach you that ambivalence must be escaped and that it is the curse of confusion upon the world.
IN YOUR DEEPER PRACTICE PERIODS, escape your own ambivalence and re-enter the sanctuary of Knowledge where in stillness and in peace you can fully experience the power of Knowledge and the truth of your own nature. This is a day of freedom. This is a day of understanding your dilemma and realizing that your escape is at hand. Take this step with confidence, for today you can escape ambivalence.
PRACTICE 317: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.
Right to the journal this day. There is a lot in it.
12:15 a.m. Sunday – May 28, 2000 – 316 "I will trust my deepest inclinations today."
What are these?
• Continue regional intelligence – thoughts continue to emerge.
• Complete S2K and continue it
• Stay @ PDC to do network plan
• Marsh Institute research proposal/Foundation on the future
7:15 a.m. My ideas for regional data are all so clear to me. The work required, the product. Then – building of the use. Data should be as common as dirt. A Consumer Reports of geography which allows comparison, benchmarking, that allows more objective investment and the raising of people out of poverty through education. Empowerment gained through Knowledge acquired through information. The trend of the trend. It is not just the data, but many people using the same data which creates synchronistic benefits. The data Legos – with me – a Lego myself.
Here I sit – all vision – no market, no client, no visible partners – no energy or strategy. I need to cultivate some champions – find investors. My relationships interfere – distract, I self-distract, derail – lose hope – I need a data cave. I don't have all the technical skills to pull it off.
The public web could be put to better use. A lot of what is up there is junk. I cannot leave the NSV – this is where my investment is. I need to do the Planner's Casebook –
Quad state regions database. It will be a tool for SU.
7:55 a.m. A Town of Front Royal truck goes by – Sunday a.m. Trash bags in the back – community is good at getting things done – we need the intentional communities. We need to build intentional regions. As networks they have agendas. The region must be visible. It must be defined. Local government based regions – require a database. That geographic alignment can serve others.
The secret to the business is 0PM – other people's money. The same can be said for geography – use OPG – use the intentional local governments aggregated by the intentional regions > and encourage the local governments to be more intentional within the regions, as part of a more intentional planet.
S2K – is it a fantasy itself? It's been a useful tool at this point in my life. My lethargic body genes – as exemplified by Grandpa C, Dad – and myself –
Tai Chi was in my dream – groups practicing on a basketball court.
I need to be with my spiritual community today.
Use the web for regional communications.
RIMBY – Regions are my backyard. Building my team… – Atlas of regions – A/the new geography.
In order to get there, the PDC must stabilize – I need to work the PDC/Front Royal link/model – use a 100 year time frame – connect growth/geography/
S2K – talks about deepest inclinations for "hope, truth and justice." A dream last night involved the woman who came to me with well/water data that showed pollution. I told her to come to the office – I thought I could get funds under "environmental justice."
The PDC is a tool that needs to self direct. It responds to the incentives created by others who have a statewide agenda that they need to promote efficiently. That is the administrative region – localities can use the same to cooperate upward – to be empowered.
Regional structure – supporting regional intelligence a geographic strategy –
3:55 p.m. Back from The Lord's Chapel – OK – some spirit – people who I benefit from being with – do I need that community? Yes – ideas come slowly –
Baghwa Singh – talk about his cancer. Brian – about his heart problems – me sitting there; would my having an illness caused people to like me, excuse me?
"As though a disease could free me from my responsibility, my obligation to do what I've come to do." I do not understand, yet proceed.
7:55 p.m. Breathing ups energy – food brings it down.
9:15 p.m. I just don't seem to fit here on the planet. I'm to trust my deepest inclinations today. Not fitting is one of them – thus I've been cautious. I could disappear – spontaneously combust – but then I'd miss my mission. Breathing could keep me oxygenated – I've stretching & breathing – tools yes, inclinations yes – is it patience or lethargy? I judge myself by the world – and fall very far short
Can I truly love myself? I know I should…but can I? Would I pick myself first on my own team? The ambivalence seems to get greater instead of less.
In your giving – you remind the world of hope – do I give – give enough? Does the world want or appreciate what I give? Do I know?
Practice #2 – Going to stillness in openness – seeking relief from my doubt, seeking comfort for my aloneness, seeking power to do my work, and certainty about my purpose in the world.
This is to be a day of self – trust…
(What is there to trust?)
I trust myself to be late, short and hugely creative – enough to make up for and surpass all my shortcomings.
I have become a minimalist – after running full tilt so many years at the PDC –
Less is less – the world moves ahead, I sit back – where is the pattern – where is the next step. Lines in the sand have been crossed.
This was a long story. I hope you’ve benefited.
P.S. At Step 317, we are less than two months from the end – Step 365. If you’ve found this and find some appeal in this or other Steps, you should really go to the beginning blog post. From here you learn about Steps to Knowledge and can begin it on the day that makes sense and then progress as needed. You can use the posts on this blog as a companion if it helps. They will remain in order in the archives - one per Step.
Often it takes 18 months to get through the Steps once. For this blog, the pace is one-a-day, but it really makes no difference how fast you do it, only that you begin, persist and repeat. Posts here provide a trail that may let you have a virtual companion when and if you want one. One may have to study alone, as I did in the beginning. There are other Steps students blogging their experience and you might find a person more like you as a companion, or use a number of such Steps journeys. There are options as well through the Free School of the New Message.