Step 44 - I wish to know my own strength. Entry from Step 43 - My will is to know God.

Greetings All -

THIS AFFIRMATION YOU MAY FIND VERY ACCEPTABLE because of your immediate need for it in your current circumstances, but the affirmation is far deeper than you may at first realize. You have far more strength than you have claimed, but it cannot be fully realized until its application is directed in a manner that truly regenerates you and brings forth your true abilities.

HOW CAN YOU APPROACH YOUR STRENGTH when you feel weak and helpless, when you feel unworthy, if you are burdened by guilt or confusion or in anger blame others for your own apparent failures? To claim your strength means to release all that holds you back. You do not release your obstacles by claiming they do not exist. You release them because you value something greater. Their obstruction is merely the sign that you must pass through them.Your own strength is then cultivated.You seek your strength, and you use it to find your strength. We wish for you to know your strength and to utilize it on your own behalf.

IN YOUR TWO MEDITATION PRACTICES TODAY, in silence and in stillness, attempt to feel your own strength. Do not let thoughts alone dissuade you, for fears and doubts are only thoughts—vaporous things that cross your mind like clouds. Beyond the clouds of your mind is the great universe of Knowledge. Therefore, do not let the clouds obstruct your view of the stars beyond.

PRACTICE 44: Two 30-minute practice periods. 

One's own will is often considered to, of course, be opposite to God's will. Presented with God's will as children and young adults, what is expected seems to require greater restraint on our lives than we are want.

This Step says directly in LOUD CAPITAL LETTERS: "YOUR WILL IS TO KNOW GOD." Today I find that something I can readily agree with.  

From the Journal:

7:54 A.M. (CDT) Plano, TX - Sunday, August 29,1999 - S2K "My will is to KNOW GOD." This was a good meditation. I'm finding S2K very powerful. Mentally, I repeated the day's affirmation. There is no ego to make it difficult. As I repeated the affirmation, it became a song and then I was joined by the Family of Sha-ron - as in a choir they joined - so the song became "Our will is to KNOW GOD." It became a huge scene with musicians, drummers, dancers - all my family. Amazing talented souls - and me here as a point of light on earth dong my will.

It was an amazing meditation. Not a holy Instant - I could see that all in the world were "self" exploring the manifests reality. 

My will is to Know God and in that pursuit encourage and assist others in connecting with this will in themselves/or to understand it is working all the time, though results may not suggest that. 

My feeling now - a mellow understanding/Knowing that is happy and grateful to be here. 

8:47 A.M. Awakening in yet a new way. There is not good but God; this is good; this is God.

It is all communication. 
Just to be honest, in spite of this great meditation, the journal also notes several bumps that day in the human relationships.